#i try so hard to be nice and compassionate towards humans in spite of everything they've put me through bc I see ppl always say

[snekdood]

so much of my past art is such a love letter to humanity and yet they keep betraying me and wonder why I hate them so much now

[icarusatmidnight]

Oleander, Thyme, and Daed? :D

Absolutely!! :D Sorry, this took a few days too! I had many words, heh.

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Full Name: Oleander Everclear Wormwood.

Gender & Sexuality: Agender + Grey-aromantic pansexual.

Pronouns: He/Him or They/Them

Ethnicity/Species: Child of the Inbetween?? is his best guess??

Birthplace: Northern Iceland.

Guilty Pleasures: Ha, Oleander doesn’t do guilty pleasures. He likes what he likes and what he likes is nunya business~ :P

Phobias: Water in the sense of being wet; not being able to breathe.

What They Would Be Famous For: He’s pretty infamous as Lund’s former apprentice (har har) and for being an Archmage at a terribly young age, at least in the sense people know of him in a really vague sense.

What They Would Get Arrested For: He can be so lazy at times, I’m going to go with just plain ole trespassing or being Daed’s accomplice.

OC You Ship Them With: Thyme!! Kingcup too in that good brotp way, but Thyme’s the only person I ship him with ~*romantically*~.

OC Most Likely To Murder Them: Hahahahahahahaha!! Best of luck ‘cause you won’t succeed. Lund has the most motivation to do so though, just out of pure spite, but he’d never get close enough.

Favorite Movie/Book Genre: Horror, horror, horror! From classic and shitty, he loves bingein’ on horror films. Reading is basically a chore though so he doesn’t have a favorite there.

Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: Mhm. I don’t think Oleander is well-versed in the language of cliches enough to know what his least favorite is. He doesn’t like it when the hidden big bad is revealed to be an Inbetweener (so so lazy and overdone!) or when people just split up. He’s always gonna death-glare while muttering to himself ‘why do you want to die?’. It’s just madness.

Talents and Powers: He’s absurdly talented with Anima Magic for his age and there’s …other… things… too… :)

Why Someone Might Love Them: He’s sturdy like a rock! That’s definitely a huge reason both Kingcup and Thyme like him. It’s really hard to honestly rattle him and that’s kinda nice to have in a friend, you know? He’s also a massively sarcastic little dipshit with a sharp but not cruel tongue and a love of truly bad things. He knows how to have a good time, you know? :P

Why Someone Might Hate Them: I wanna say the massive sarcastic little dipshit thing sarcasm (and it’s definitely a possibility) but I honestly feel the monotony of his voice would probably get to people first. In high doses, I imagine it grates real easy.

How They Change: Out of the three mains, Oleander probably changes the least. He starts as a deadpan snarky kid who goes to support club to basically shut up his roommate and at the end, he’s still really similar to that person. But~! That’s okay. He ends knowing more about himself and what happened to him in his past and he’s on a much healthier path for healing because of that knowledge and that kinda overjoys me a lot. c:

Why You Love Them: !!! I love his silliness! I love his bluntness!! I love his monotone sarcasm and his love of ugly awful things that he sincerely feels are wondrous!! He’s been such an old character of mine for years and years now and I still just love learning new things about him and seeing how far he’s come from his original pissy protective edgelord beginning and I’m so so so happy I finally wised up and made him the main character of Icarus. It works so much better now. Just! /love love love

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Full Name: Thyme René Oxeye!

Gender & Sexuality: Cisguy and bisexual!

Pronouns: He/Him

Ethnicity/Species: He’s from a werewolf clan, though not technically one himself. He’s a junk wolf and has a bit of fae in him too. \m/!!

Birthplace & Birthdate: Romneya Backwoods and March 20th!

Guilty Pleasures: Tabletop RPGs. He needs to run a game for Oleander and Kingcup one day, needs!!

Phobias: He has a lot of general anxieties and a nasty habit of internally catastrophizing most of his actions but as for actual phobias, not really.

What They Would Be Famous For: Raising the Dead? Unfortunately??

What They Would Get Arrested For: I’ve mentioned it before but stealing dogs, for sure! He hates seeing them neglected and he has no qualms stealing them to give them some joy~ 💕

OC You Ship Them With: OLEANDER! 😭💕💕  I love them together so much but for less obvious choices though, him and Deacon are my strictly fwb guilty pleasure and I think him and Volkamenia would be good together too. They’re both just so cute and dopey.

OC Most Likely To Murder Them: I wanna say Kingcup just because but she’s really not the type to murder. So Thyme’s roommate Deacon is gonna be my choice! They have a fun relationship. :’D

Favorite Movie/Book Genre: Thyme loves documentaries so damn much, that nerd!! 😭! He knows so much useless and stupid info because of them, especially given how many bad ones he watches it. It’s ridiculous. Like Olea too, he’s not a huge reader but he likes …absurd queer adventures like River of Teeth? He’d love that kind of book.

Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: Mhm. He’s really bored by gritty grimdark cynicism? Just, no.

Talents and Powers: He has his death empathy thing and Thyme totally does the Elle Woods ‘What, like it’s hard?’ thing when it comes to natural magic too, lol.

Why Someone Might Love Them: Despite his anxieties and insecurities, he’s a very outwardly bright and compassionate young man who does honestly try his best to bring some more warmth and happiness into the world.

Why Someone Might Hate Them: Oh ho ho. Outside of his anxieties and insecurities which feel like unfair hits, Thyme comes off as a little goody two-shoes at times and someone who is more nice than he is kind. It’ll rub people that wrong way for sure but honestly? Kingcup is screaming that Thyme is far too reckless when it comes to his magic!! He took a miles width chuck of the Backwoods into the Inbetween, raised a rabbit from the dead, got burned and took none of that to heart!! What the Fuck, Thyme!! Any one of those things would be bad but all of them combined?! What were you thinking!!

How They Change: 😭😭😭💕💕💕  Thyme starts off treading through a sea of guilt while spiraling downwards in anxieties and chipperly trying to pretend ‘Everything Is A-Okay! :)’ It’s not, at all. I love seeing him grow the most of out of the three, coming to terms with his connection to death and what happened in the Backwoods and actually accepting kingcup isn’t wrong about him being a reckless little shit either thyme what the fuck. By the end, I’m basically rolling on the ground in glee and pride about how far he comes in maturing into and working towards that better version of himself that’s still uniquely Thyme and It’s Wonderful!

Why You Love Them: I love his sincerity! I love his anxieties! I love his compassion and I love his recklessness, oh my god! He is my darling bisexual disaster of bisexual and the type of character I’d fell over heels for as a teen. His journey is so so much fun and while he’s no longer my main character for Icarus, I still have a massive soft spot for him (clearly). His family back in Romneya is also extremely dear to my heart, lol. I adore puppy-like werewolves who just adopt every misfit in sight because ‘we’re your family now!! :D’. Sue me.

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Full Name: Ira Myrrh Young Daedalus York

Gender & Sexuality: Cisguy & Aro Ace!

Pronouns: He/Him

Ethnicity/Species: He’s pretty human.

Birthplace & Birthdate: In the woods and he’s pretty sure it was like July 25th. Probably. 

Guilty Pleasures: See his favorite genres except like Olea, he ain’t that guilty over it. :P He really loves living domestic life too.

Phobias: Having his horror rub off and fuck up Oleander is kinda high up there. Also, he doesn’t like insects or iguanas.

What They Would Be Famous For: He’s pretty famous for his ability to break things and his vague detective skills too actually!

What They Would Get Arrested For: ….everything. Grand Theft Auto is real high on the list though.

OC You Ship Them With: No one, not his thing! I do think him and Thyme’s mother Dahlia would bond  (and drink) over their mutual aro-ness and their delinquent children though! FRIENDSHIP! FRIENDSHIP! FRIENDSHIP!

OC Most Likely To Murder Them: Lund? His folks? Other Knights of Pandora? There’s plenty of options.

Favorite Movie/Book Genre: Trashy Romance Novels and Rom-Coms until he dies!!! \m/!!

Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: Blood-Family is Absolute. Some people you need to cut out of your life and cut them out viciously. Also, just badly written love triangles?? You can do so much better than ‘x loves y and likes z and can’t choose between them’.

Talents and Powers: He has a natural talent for breaking things. \m/

Why Someone Might Love Them: He’s an effortlessly kind soul who tries his best to put some good back into the world. After all the Hell his folks have tried to raise, it’s the least he can do, you know? He’s also a great drinking buddy and the type of person who won’t ever leave you to feel sorry for yourself. He probably won’t actually help much but he’ll be there for you.

Why Someone Might Hate Them: People who figure out he’s a (former) Knight of Pandora tend to avoid him like a plague. Like there’s no need to get involve with them, and Daed doesn’t blame any of them any one bit. And while he is honestly very kind, he’s still blunt as fuck and doesn’t have the best handle of how to socialize politely.

How They Change: In the story, not much. He’s already dealt with his demons the best he’s ever gonna by then start so he doesn’t have much of journey. He’s actually more the mentor type to the three leads and I love him being the figurative dad/uncle type to them all. :’)

Why You Love Them: Daed’s Daed!! Oh my gosh, he’s a frickin snake in the best way. You see him and just thinks he’s a drunk idiot weasel and he kinda is but he’s also using that as a cover to map out your whole life and motivations and plans and figuring out if he needs to Deal With You or not.

But, you know, just for fun! :D

He’s just a strange character that you wouldn’t think sincerely wants to be a dad and dreams of having a cliche as fuck family but he does?? So so much?? Living in Dead Leaves with Oleander is like his dream come true and he’s so ready to help him be the very best Oleander that he wants to be! He’s also so ready to Beat The Ever-Loving Shit Out Of Anyone Who Dares to Hurt Oleander too. He knows Oleander can handle himself but he’s been through enough already. No more, no more.

[fishtalking]

it’s so! strange! to feel nostalgic for a time that was so turbulent and difficult for me.. things were bad bad bad in high school and I was so far from being a Real and Decent Person andI can’t imagine ever wanting to go back but I do feel.. wistful isn’t the right word? regretful isn’t either? I feel like those words imply that I’d wish I could go back and change things and maybe sometimes I do a little bit but for the most part no, no not at all. highschool was pretty miserable but it was what it was. I don’t feel wistful, or regretful

but I do think I feel a little sad

I think it’s okay to feel a little sad

I’m a little sad for the baby me who never really knew what was going on at any given point in time and struggled a lot with friendship and relationships. At the same time I really was a fucking hell child. if there’s anything to be wistful about it’s that sometimes I wish I could have been there for my younger self to give them the support that I know they needed and maybe then I could have had an easier time figuring stuff out. maybe I could have began my journey towards decency a little sooner. I was definitely a late bloomer.. and I still am

I wonder if in the future I’ll look back on myself now and also think to myself oh, how sad, look at that baby who still doesn’t know what the fuck is going on. There will probably be things to be sad about! relationships come and go and I know I’m definitely not at a place where I know what is happening. I don’t think I’ll ever know what’s happening. but I think it’ll be okay too. I know that I’m a better person than I was in highschool and if I keep working to be better, and want to be better, I’ll at least keep taking these small steps to becoming a more decent person

ig I feel a little sad thinking back on highschool but I can feel some gladness too, thinking about the ways I’ve grown and become better since then. I know that I can keep growing and succeeding in little ways. I can become a more whole person and maybe, with some luck, know a little bit of what’s going on sometimes. things can be okay and I can let myself feel happy in the moment

I’m so grateful to all the people I’ve ever loved and everybody who’s been part of my life T_T Even the people who made parts of my life incredibly painful and traumatic have that importance to me alongside the hope that I’ll never see them other again and that they’re not hurting any other people lmfao. it’s funny to be able to have feelings that exist side by side like that that you’d think would be contradictory but, aren’t? it’s not like it’s necessarily a positive kind of feeling of gratefulness. it’s like.. it was important, and it happened, and it’s part of who I am, and since I’ve learned to love myself I can love those parts of myself too, and learn to be love those parts gently and compassionately. I can be in a place between forgiving and unforgiving and just be like.. that’s people. that’s people and sometimes they’re terrible and hurtful and horrible but I don’t have to let them drag me down a hole of regret and despair. they can’t even see me. I can be angry and I still am about things. I can be sad and I still am about things. but also.. I jus wanna chill out and live and cut that toxic shit out my life, man

ig if there’s one thing I wish for it’s that I wasn’t so emotionally distant from people? including myself? I feel like.. I have this anticipation about things not working out in the future, that people will just naturally drift apart, which I’m fine with but wonder if it’s partly self-fulled prophecy cuz of that. it’d be nice if I could keep up a closer emotional intimacy with someone that lasted longer than a year but it’s also totally incon, incom, just, unimangineable. I can’t even conceptualize what that might be like. makes me a little uncomfortable to imagine but.. to be a reliable person to someone, and to be able to rely on them back.. it sounds nice. to be okay with existing to someone and maybe even being on the forefront of their mind.. maybe!! who knows

I want to get past the feelings of “if we drift apart or things collapse in the future then what’s the point of Trying for anything More now then?” bc.. there’s so much to learn from people. people aren’t like.. tv shows or whatever that I refuse to buy merch for bc I kno I won’t be interested in the next year and have junk that I feel like I wasted money on. people are just people

if anything ig I just get worried about hurting other people’s feelings. that’s where it always gets dicey.. if it were just my own feelings getting hurt then there wouldn’t be any issues. sometimes I wish my actions had no consequences on people and that my existence was no more important than (I’m too tired now to think of an analogy but I’ve expressed my desire to have a very small existence enough at this point) but ig I just have to accept that it.. will happen? all I can do is do my best to be open and communicative and apologize when it’s appropriate and trust other people to be responsible for themselves. I have to relinquish responsibility over other people’s feelings after a certain point, even if that boundary is still very blurry to me. but conflict is just a very normal part of human interaction, same as everything else, and I have to learn to be okay with that too. I can’t just shrink away cuz I’m embarrassed about existing.

I want my existence to be small and limited, yeah, but I don’t want to be embarrassed by just being alive anymore. I’m a person too.

I say that but man a lot of my past actions have contradicted that a whole lot lmfao. maybe for that I can say at least I know how to prioritize my own mental health and the growth that I need to some degree..

on my worst days I feel like it’s not worth it. I get frustrated. on my best days I get overwhelmed by how there really are no right answers in this game. I get frustrated again. but I think that’s fine.. I won’t become someone who keeps their heart locked in a chest hidden away in a dark cellar. I won’t close myself off just bc I’ll be afraid to get hurt. it’s what my mom advises me to do when I get too close to someone she isn’t too familiar or approving of and it makes me sad for her bc I know she just wants to protect me and

idk maybe I’m just naive or I haven’t been hurt enough yet but if that’s the case I just wanna be able to chase that bliss as long as I can yanno. and if I end up hurt for it I’ll stagger back upright and heal bc I have strength in me to and I’ll heal to spite anybody who thinks they can hurt me enough to kill my determination to live

man I’m too tired for this. I keep going around in circles in my head bc I think too much about what kind of philosophy I really want to keep and how I could possibly keep it which doesn’t make sense bc no philosphy is a one size fits all for everything. I don’t like leaving it unresolved but I should just snooze bc otherwise I’ll be up all night pulling my hair out at the uncertainty and the greyness of it

morality is hard!! I wish there was a right answer to things!!! but alas

I’ll be grey for a little while and I’m afraid I’ll just have to learn to find peace with it someitme in the future shrugs

---=b